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  • Guest Writer

"Against My Will"

My name is Nehemiah Brown.

I would like very much to introduce myself, and hopefully make new friends.

Sharin’ bits of my life’s testimony in how God saved me, is my way of doin’ just that.

I was raised with every word of God (Proverbs 22:6), by my grandmother, who was born in Mississippi in 1898.

all the women of my mother’s family were in my life.

Every man that stepped into my life, including my dad, just kept on walkin’.

When I decided to leave home, I knew and believed in the Lord, but walked away from Him for the quick fix of alcohol.

That was a twenty-plus-year relationship.

My life was a confusin’ place, for me to be.

So I started fightin’, drinkin’ more, got very good with bad language which I felt got my point across better than kind words, and just plan runnin’ from anything that might water the seeds The Lord had my grandmother plant within me.

In 1975, God placed Carol, my wife, into my life. I was at year five of my young, independent, drinkin’ life. She had no idea the work God had laid on her path, that not only held her personal healing, pain, and confusion but mine as well.

As the appointed leader of a wonderful relationship, I made many bad choices, which involved the lives of all in my household: my wife, my son, and my daughter.

Every day….and this is all very true, my spirit heard the Lord, loud and clear, callin’ out my name to correct my bad choices, which I ignored.

Although I ignored the voice of God, He continued to show me the seeds He planted within my soul. The only way I found to blur the visions of my wrong/bad choices, He was revealin’ to me, was by the help of alcohol, and drugs. It never worked! I could not hide me, or my sins from God (Hebrews 4:13).

Then it happened; God came after me.

He took my wife and children from me in 1990, so He would have my whole attention.

With no one in view but me and my ways, I could only see, me and my ways.

I did NOT, like what I was seein’.

Somethin’ inside me decided to put the alcohol and drugs to rest, and give the voice of God, a try….I am so very happy I did.

In 1995, after five years of thinking I was a divorced man (I signed the papers and sent them back to Carol, but she never turned them in), God decided I was ready to properly care for the family He blessed me with.

I gave my life to this world, and the ways of it thinkin’, and found nothin’ but problems that would only stack up on me.

Now I have taken back my life, and given it to the Heavenly Father, His Son, and The help of His Holy Spirit.

Even though my son and daughter don’t speak to me as of this day, I pray to my Heavenly Father, that one day, they will see the change God has made in their dad.

Is my life problem free?

Of course not.

But it is God-filled, and He has placed nothin’ but spirit-filled people in my life, that shows me the promise of God, that He will not abandon me.

God didn’t save me from the world, my dear friends….He saved me from me.

I have learned to forgive, regardless of what has been done to me. And that very thing provides me with comfort, and peace, I would love to share.

Yes, my precious brothers and sisters:

All of our lives have mountains we all must climb. And everyone’s mountain has two sides: A smooth side, and a rough, jagged side.

I tried for over twenty years to climb the smooth side of my mountain. But no matter how hard I tried to reach the top, I kept sliding back to the bottom.

God showed me that, although the other side of my mountain IS rough, jagged, frustrating, painful, and all-around hard to climb, I at least have somethin’ to hold on to, while I climb.

All I needed was patience (Colossians 1:12).

My quest today is to bring as many as I possibly can, from the thoughts, and ways of this world, to the understandin’, and ways of God, The Heavenly Father (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Jesus Loves me, this I know.

May The Lord, our God, richly bless you in this day.

Nehemiah Brown


God’s Forgiving Grace Ministries


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